I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
