Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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