oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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