In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
