It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
