im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Come on in and take your pants off
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