someone get that fucking seahorse.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
