I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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