TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
