we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
