It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
