Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
