Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
