what if every blade of grass was a penis?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
