In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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