awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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