remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
