drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
