I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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