What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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