do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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