The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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