Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
