Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
