we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your penis caused this!
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