loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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