Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If I die, sorry about rent.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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