Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A+ Viking dick
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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