It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
