i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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