Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
