my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
