Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
