he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
