only if we run a train.
done.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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