Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
