I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
