chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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