gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
