i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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