Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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