when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Randomize
