Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
