I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
