carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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