Pregnant stripper...not hot.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
