Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
