A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
