I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I AM VODKA MAN
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
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