you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize