You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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