I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
