wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
