Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
