To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
