If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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