I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
