What a fucking waste of an outfit
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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