are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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