I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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