I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
