Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
