Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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