would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
