She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
